I don't how many people pay attention to the music that is playing on my blog, but that's okay because I mostly put the playlists on there for my own benefit. (something to listen to at work)
But in case you do, the very first song on there is the Your Hands song that I posted the lyrics to a few weeks ago. It gives me chills. Anyway, for those of you that are struggling with IF or anything else for that matter....it's a great song to click on.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Yesterday's meltdown
Worked 8-5, went to school from 5:30-7:30, stopped at Wal-Mart to pick up my prenatals, got home to see my hub and his friend finish up their 5 mile run, chit-chatted for a few minutes, then went for a 2 mile speed walk with my machine of a husband.
We get back home, Hub tells me that his buddy came into our house to weigh on our bathroom scale....no biggie, I mean the house is messier than I would like, but oh well. THEN.... I walk into our bathroom (the master bathroom, not the one that the public uses) and laying in the floor right next to the bathroom scale is my sweats that I slept in the night before and my dirty underwear wadded up and laying right on top. Yep. Pretty much the only thing you can see while you are standing on the scale. I was MORTIFIED, therefore freaked out on my husband like it was his fault, therefore caused a stupid argument in which I cried and said words that I don't normally say.
SIGH....I told you this was the world's strongest birth control.....
PS--Hub called me crazy and I threatened to end his life for him.
Whatta night.
We get back home, Hub tells me that his buddy came into our house to weigh on our bathroom scale....no biggie, I mean the house is messier than I would like, but oh well. THEN.... I walk into our bathroom (the master bathroom, not the one that the public uses) and laying in the floor right next to the bathroom scale is my sweats that I slept in the night before and my dirty underwear wadded up and laying right on top. Yep. Pretty much the only thing you can see while you are standing on the scale. I was MORTIFIED, therefore freaked out on my husband like it was his fault, therefore caused a stupid argument in which I cried and said words that I don't normally say.
SIGH....I told you this was the world's strongest birth control.....
PS--Hub called me crazy and I threatened to end his life for him.
Whatta night.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Today is funny.
I don't think I can do my job. I'm distracted. What else is new?
At lunch I went to Kopper Kettle with a co-worker and got chocolate covered strawberries and they have been taunting me since. And only twice, okay three times have I given in and eaten one. So I bought a half dozen at noon and I have already demolished 3 of them and I feel like I might fro up. Ha!
Work people are funny today and there is no way to explain all of the stories but in the last hour I have had a conversation concerning what happens when your husband says he wants to cuddle. Yes...it's as nasty as you are thinking, and the conversation involved my male boss, me and 2 other women. I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself.
Then, there is a heated political debate that I found myself right up in the middle of, except I was just there witnessing it without anyway to exit....awkward.
And then a girl sends out a company-wide email because she can't find her cherry coke and everyone keeps making fun of that situation and guessing these odd places that it might be and well....that's cracking me up too.
This next part might be TMI, but since most of you are IFers, you can probably relate, especially if you are an IVFer. As you all know, last week I found out that my body was making too much estrogen to continue with the April IVF cycle, so I got pushed back to May. Well, I was taking birth control before that to try to suppress the ovaries...you know how it goes, and I kept complaining that I was hungry all the time and my boobs were like doubling in size and they hurt....well, in order to try to KILL my estrogen, they have put me on the strongest birth control known to mankind, I truly believe, and I can't even see where I am going because my boobs are all up in my face. Holy cow! My girlfriends say I should be happy about this....I was okay with my normal, C-sized boobs, this is just out of control. Anyone else have this issue????
Too bad Halloween isn't in April, I would make a great Dolly Parton. (for the second time, YES I have dressed up like her before, but I had to stuff the ol' bra)
Happy Thursday!
At lunch I went to Kopper Kettle with a co-worker and got chocolate covered strawberries and they have been taunting me since. And only twice, okay three times have I given in and eaten one. So I bought a half dozen at noon and I have already demolished 3 of them and I feel like I might fro up. Ha!
Work people are funny today and there is no way to explain all of the stories but in the last hour I have had a conversation concerning what happens when your husband says he wants to cuddle. Yes...it's as nasty as you are thinking, and the conversation involved my male boss, me and 2 other women. I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself.
Then, there is a heated political debate that I found myself right up in the middle of, except I was just there witnessing it without anyway to exit....awkward.
And then a girl sends out a company-wide email because she can't find her cherry coke and everyone keeps making fun of that situation and guessing these odd places that it might be and well....that's cracking me up too.
This next part might be TMI, but since most of you are IFers, you can probably relate, especially if you are an IVFer. As you all know, last week I found out that my body was making too much estrogen to continue with the April IVF cycle, so I got pushed back to May. Well, I was taking birth control before that to try to suppress the ovaries...you know how it goes, and I kept complaining that I was hungry all the time and my boobs were like doubling in size and they hurt....well, in order to try to KILL my estrogen, they have put me on the strongest birth control known to mankind, I truly believe, and I can't even see where I am going because my boobs are all up in my face. Holy cow! My girlfriends say I should be happy about this....I was okay with my normal, C-sized boobs, this is just out of control. Anyone else have this issue????
Too bad Halloween isn't in April, I would make a great Dolly Parton. (for the second time, YES I have dressed up like her before, but I had to stuff the ol' bra)
Happy Thursday!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Back to the grind.....
After a sunny 3-day weekend, of 4-wheeling and no work or doctor's appointments, I feel much better. I feel better despite the huge red, rashy area on my leg where the wasp stung me and despite the stomach bug that I am (hopefully) over now. I am back at work, and back to school and back to blogging....apparently.
So I had a nervous breakdown Thursday and I had myself a big pity party and I am over it now. JT came home with flowers Thursday night and took me out to eat so that I didn't have to cook and then after he saw that I was stable he asked me, "Why are you in such a hurry for a baby?" I couldn't really answer that.... I mean we have been trying for 4 years (on and off) so to say that I am in a hurry sounds silly.
BUT HE'S RIGHT!!!!I am 26 years old for Pete's sake....really, what IS my hurry?
Here is some background information....when we found out that we weren't going to be able to conceive without IVF or a miracle, I jumped head first into IVF without thinking twice. We literally met with the doctor in January, found out in February that IVF was our only option and by March I had set the whole thing up and JT started working overtime to pay for it all. I didn't even consider it NOT being our best option. And I think JT is so scared that I will flip out on him that he let me jump into this without questioning me about it.
SO, NO....it's not happening in April, but it might happen in May. And we just bought ourselves another month of being young and married and spontaneous, WITHOUT worrying what I can and cannot do as a pregnant person. So I am going to enjoy that, and know that what I've got that mother's don't have....is freedom. Freedom to drop everything, jump on a 4-wheeler with my sweet husband and drive all day without finding a babysitter first. Freedom to decide on a Friday that we are leaving THAT DAY and not coming back until Sunday....just for a weekend getaway. Freedom to sleep in and take naps. We've got that....we just don't have a baby. And while we still want a baby very much, I think those are things that I take for granted. We are SO free to do whatever we want right now. It won't always be that way. So DEEP BREATH...it will happen when it's supposed to...or it won't, and life will go on. It really will.
On a side note:
I think the reason that I have become so intrigued with IF blogs and reading them and writing them, etc., is because it's a place where people understand my situation, because they are going through something similar. It just burns me for someone to assume that IVF is something that you do in one day, which happens ALL of the time.
But IFers know that it takes doctor's visits, injections, hormone levels having to be exact, trial transfers, numerous ultrasounds and blood draws...etc, etc, etc for the IVF thing to work. And even still....sometimes it doesn't. I just wish everyone understood how much the process entails before they assume that it's like a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of thing. Read up. Then ask me questions....or better yet....just pretend you don't know anything is going on. :) That's safe.
So I am calling this "Baby Free Month"! I am not talking about IVF, because there is nothing to talk about. I am not looking at baby room stuff or thinking about baby names or planning life around the fact that I "MIGHT" be pregnant in the next few months. I am just living. Don't get me wrong...I still want to hear about your kids, or your process or your pregnancy. I really do. Just because it's not going easily for me doesn't make it any less special for you. I just have nothing to talk about right now....and that's okay.
Have a good week everyone! 80's all week in Arkansas! YESSSS!!!!
So I had a nervous breakdown Thursday and I had myself a big pity party and I am over it now. JT came home with flowers Thursday night and took me out to eat so that I didn't have to cook and then after he saw that I was stable he asked me, "Why are you in such a hurry for a baby?" I couldn't really answer that.... I mean we have been trying for 4 years (on and off) so to say that I am in a hurry sounds silly.
BUT HE'S RIGHT!!!!I am 26 years old for Pete's sake....really, what IS my hurry?
Here is some background information....when we found out that we weren't going to be able to conceive without IVF or a miracle, I jumped head first into IVF without thinking twice. We literally met with the doctor in January, found out in February that IVF was our only option and by March I had set the whole thing up and JT started working overtime to pay for it all. I didn't even consider it NOT being our best option. And I think JT is so scared that I will flip out on him that he let me jump into this without questioning me about it.
SO, NO....it's not happening in April, but it might happen in May. And we just bought ourselves another month of being young and married and spontaneous, WITHOUT worrying what I can and cannot do as a pregnant person. So I am going to enjoy that, and know that what I've got that mother's don't have....is freedom. Freedom to drop everything, jump on a 4-wheeler with my sweet husband and drive all day without finding a babysitter first. Freedom to decide on a Friday that we are leaving THAT DAY and not coming back until Sunday....just for a weekend getaway. Freedom to sleep in and take naps. We've got that....we just don't have a baby. And while we still want a baby very much, I think those are things that I take for granted. We are SO free to do whatever we want right now. It won't always be that way. So DEEP BREATH...it will happen when it's supposed to...or it won't, and life will go on. It really will.
On a side note:
I think the reason that I have become so intrigued with IF blogs and reading them and writing them, etc., is because it's a place where people understand my situation, because they are going through something similar. It just burns me for someone to assume that IVF is something that you do in one day, which happens ALL of the time.
But IFers know that it takes doctor's visits, injections, hormone levels having to be exact, trial transfers, numerous ultrasounds and blood draws...etc, etc, etc for the IVF thing to work. And even still....sometimes it doesn't. I just wish everyone understood how much the process entails before they assume that it's like a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of thing. Read up. Then ask me questions....or better yet....just pretend you don't know anything is going on. :) That's safe.
So I am calling this "Baby Free Month"! I am not talking about IVF, because there is nothing to talk about. I am not looking at baby room stuff or thinking about baby names or planning life around the fact that I "MIGHT" be pregnant in the next few months. I am just living. Don't get me wrong...I still want to hear about your kids, or your process or your pregnancy. I really do. Just because it's not going easily for me doesn't make it any less special for you. I just have nothing to talk about right now....and that's okay.
Have a good week everyone! 80's all week in Arkansas! YESSSS!!!!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Updates
Good news: I got the 4-wheeler. Love it. Couldn't have come at a better time because....
Bad news: I am making too much BLEEPING estrogen and my IVF cycle got pushed back a month. I am too busy being mad and crying right now to elaborate much on this topic, but I am taking a vacation day tomorrow so that I can be mad at the world without work-people asking me what's wrong. Good thing I have a new 4-wheeler to play on, right?
Why does 4 weeks feel like an eternity? It's nothing compared to the past 4 years right??? I'm tired of the number 4, unless it's being used to describe wheels.
SIGH...
Bad news: I am making too much BLEEPING estrogen and my IVF cycle got pushed back a month. I am too busy being mad and crying right now to elaborate much on this topic, but I am taking a vacation day tomorrow so that I can be mad at the world without work-people asking me what's wrong. Good thing I have a new 4-wheeler to play on, right?
Why does 4 weeks feel like an eternity? It's nothing compared to the past 4 years right??? I'm tired of the number 4, unless it's being used to describe wheels.
SIGH...
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Your Hands
Heard this song this morning, WOW....
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Tuesday Shmoozeday
It's pretty outside, I've got a belly full of Mexican food and I just don't want to sit inside at this desk. I just don't want to. I want to go play. The hub is off work today and he is 4-wheeler shopping right now and I want to do that instead. Sometimes I get in these moods, but I especially get in them when I have to stay inside against my will.
Tuesdays suck, and here's why: I get to work at 8, then 5 rolls around and everyone gets all excited because they get to go home....but not me, I get to hop in the car and drive straight to college where I will sit until 8:00. I spend too much time sitting on my hiney. That could have something to do with how big it's gotten! My next job will involve moving around and being on my feet. Mark my words.
Yesterday Harley officially became an outside dog. Tater was absolutely thrilled about the idea but Harley was NOT! JT said that Tater kept nudging him and wanting to play and Harley was pouting! Ha! Bless his heart.
Upcoming things for this week: possible new 4-wheeler and baseline ultrasound on Thursday. Will keep you posted on both accounts. Happy Tuesday.
One of these days I will complete an entire post without whining. Just wait....
Tuesdays suck, and here's why: I get to work at 8, then 5 rolls around and everyone gets all excited because they get to go home....but not me, I get to hop in the car and drive straight to college where I will sit until 8:00. I spend too much time sitting on my hiney. That could have something to do with how big it's gotten! My next job will involve moving around and being on my feet. Mark my words.
Yesterday Harley officially became an outside dog. Tater was absolutely thrilled about the idea but Harley was NOT! JT said that Tater kept nudging him and wanting to play and Harley was pouting! Ha! Bless his heart.
Upcoming things for this week: possible new 4-wheeler and baseline ultrasound on Thursday. Will keep you posted on both accounts. Happy Tuesday.
One of these days I will complete an entire post without whining. Just wait....
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