I have read several posts lately from women who are fighting infertility and want the world to know how hard it is to hear about others and their pregnancies, children etc. They feel like it's a slap to the face. I feel like I can speak about this because for 4 years I was that person. All of my friends had at least one kid, and I had answered the dreaded "when are you guys having kids?" question in a thousand different ways. My husband and I decided to get creative and make up a different reason each time. I once heard my husband (okay more than once) say, "Never...we hate kids" which sounds pretty harsh, but was funny at the time because that is not the truth at all, obviously. We just thought...hey--ask a rude question, you'll get a rude answer. ANYWAY, I know that I have become one of those bloggers who is doing pregnancy updates and you know, basically throwing my pregnancy all up in your face, and maybe I've lost readers because of that? I'm not sure, but I just want to say that once your on the other side of this (and God willing, you will be) it is almost impossible to not want to share what you have been yearning for, for so long. I've seen a lot of "try to put yourself in my shoes" quotes and that is definitely a phrase to live by...but it works both ways. Imagine trying for several years, successfully getting pregnant and then feeling like you can't even talk about it. Does that make sense? No one wins here, it doesn't get easier for the infertiles to read about pregnancy and it doesn't get easier for the pregnant women to know that they are being rude for talking about the most exciting thing in their lives....so where do I fit in? For 4 years, I had a "down with the preggos" mentality which was derived purely from jealousy. Now I have a "lemme talk about it because I'm excited omgomgomgomg" mentality which derives from, well.....excitement, so where am I going with this? I have no idea, other than I know how hard it is to read about success stories that you feel you're never going to live, but now I also know what it's like to feel guilty for being pregnant....my conclusion: put yourself in other's shoes, REGARDLESS of your situation.
I am 17 weeks and still have a paralyzing fear of something going wrong, so am I going to forget what it took to get here? Absolutely not. Do I feel like I deserve to talk about it? Absolutely. As does everyone else.....
I just felt like I need to let everyone know who is still struggling to have their baby, that I have not forgotten and never will and in no way want to throw anything in anyone's face....but dammit...I have waited to talk about this stuff for awhile and I think it's fair that I get to. :)
Have a good rest of the week! Please don't attack me with mean comments.
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5 comments:
I'm only 12 weeks, but I too feel like something bad could still happen. I feel like it's keeping me from preparing mentally/emotionally for the baby that will in all likeliness be in my arms in 6 months.
You SOOO deserve to be excited and write about your pregnancy! Enjoy it :).
I thought you handled others pregnancies really well when you were going through infertility. You are human. It is human to feel jealous. You are right... it's a hard road to be on but the bottom line is we all need to be joyful in other people's joys, regardless of our situation. And we also need to be able to forgive ourselves for being human.
Don't let anyone steal your joy! You DESERVE it!! And I totally agree with Dale.
YAY For me not being your creepy anonymous commenter anymore!! :)
I think the best we can do is keep writing an honest account of our journeys. No matter what part of the journey we're on, there's someone else out there, thinking, I totally get what this person is saying, I'm there. whether that's pregnancy, still ttc, whatever the case.
If you're excited, write about how excited you are. All we can be is honest and truthful to our journeys. I know I've lost followers recently, but, that's okay. I understand that it doesn't help them to see my updates right now, and I understand that because I used to be that person for a few months. I couldn't read pregnancy blogs.
You absolutely deserve to write about your pregnancy. You have waited so long to be here! I still feel guilty sometimes and I always try to remember what it felt like when we couldn't get pregnant. But it's exciting times! And I'm so happy for you. :)
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